When You Know the Tools, But Don’t Feel the Change
Why “Familiar Misery” Can Feel Safer Than “Foreign Happiness” As a therapist, I often sit with clients who tell me, “I know the coping skills—I’ve read the books, done the breathing, challenged the thoughts—but I still feel stuck.” And I want to tell you this: You are not broken, and you’re not doing it wrong. Healing is not always a straight path, and understanding something cognitively doesn’t mean we’ve integrated it emotionally. In fact, it’s incredibly common—especially for those living with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, or trauma—to reach a place where the discomfort of what’s familiar feels safer than the unknown territory of change. There’s a quote I love: “Don’t choose a familiar misery over a foreign happiness.” It hits because we’ve all done it. We stick with patterns, people, or beliefs that harm us—not because we enjoy suffering, but because the unfamiliar can feel threatening. Even happiness can feel “too much” if we’ve spent years s...
